


Colorblind

by McDanno_Girl



Series: Unfamilar Road [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 08:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McDanno_Girl/pseuds/McDanno_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day Doris McGarrett supposedly died was the day the color leeched out of Steve's world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colorblind

**Author's Note:**

> 3.06 coda of a sort. This is a companion piece to As the World Falls Down. Chronologically, it should technically come first but you can read either one before the other and it shouldn't matter. Title comes from the Counting Crows song of the same name.
> 
> _I am covered in skin_   
> _No one gets to come in_   
> _Pull me out from inside_   
> _I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding_   
> _I am_

The day Doris McGarrett supposedly died was the day the color leeched out of Steve's world. From the moment his father informed him of the car accident, even the bright tropical colors of Hawaii were dull, muted, and almost gray in Steve's eyes.

In a way, it was a blessing to lose himself to the relatively black and white world of the Navy a few years later. Do what you're told, be good at doing it, get promoted. Simple. Structured. Perfect.

And he excelled. The horrors of war, of taking human life, didn't seem so terrible when the blood that surrounded him, that he often shed, wasn't quite as red as it should be.

For nearly two decades, this was how he lived his life. Never thinking too much about the future other than what mission was next, and how to get through it alive. Hour by hour. Day by day. Month by month.

It wasn't all death and killing and darkness though. There were occasional sparks of brightness in his colorless world.

A chance encounter with a nameless stranger in a European city he was passing through on his way to a mission he can't talk about.

Catherine Rollins. The one who never asked but seemed to know anyway. A warm body when one or both of them needed. A good cover if anyone ever started to suspect that his true desires went... in a different direction.

Freddie Hart. The first man, no, the first person he let himself love. Freddie wasn't his to have though, not in that way. So Steve settled for what he could get. But the fates wouldn't even grant him the kindness of a lifelong friendship. Freddie was just another in a long list of people who Steve had to say goodbye to way too soon.

And then there was Danny Williams. Loud mouth, Jersey swagger, cocky attitude. And _bright_. So bright it almost hurt Steve to look at him.

But, like Freddie, Danny didn't seem to be his. There was Rachel. Then Gabby. A few random women in between. _Always_ women.

There were times though that Steve... wondered. The way Danny would sometimes look at him. The way Danny always seemed to be touching him. He wasn't sure if it meant something, if he just _wanted_ it to mean something, or if Danny was just tactile by nature. Yet he could never bring himself to say anything. A lifetime of not asking, not telling, and being oh so very careful was a hard habit to break.

But that didn't mean he couldn't push his way into Danny's life as much as possible. Spend time with him. Bask in his warmth. Drink in the colors that practically glowed when Danny was in the room.

And if he jerked himself off to thoughts of Danny's hard body, wide shoulders, and trim waist more nights than not... that was nobody's business but his.

It wasn't what he wanted. But it was enough.

Life went on. The team solved cases, saved lives. They all almost died countless times. Steve was framed. Lori came. Jenna died. Chin got married. Lori left. Joe lied. Grace grew up. Danny yelled. A lot. Doris wasn't dead after all.

But even with all the lies, the betrayals, and the deaths over the past couple of years, Steve's world slowly filled with color again. And the colors were never so vibrant as when he was with Danny.

Which was one reason he couldn't leave Danny today. Even with Danny all but begging him to walk away, to be there for Grace, Steve couldn't make his feet move. He wasn't going to leave his best friend, the man he loved, to die alone. He wasn't ready to add Danny's name to the list of those who had left him.

He wasn't ready to face a world without color again.

Hell, it was all he could do to let Danny walk away after the bomb tech said they were all clear. But as much as it felt so damn good to have Danny wrapped up in his arms, alive and breathing, as he literally bit his tongue to keep the words _I love you I love you I love you, don't leave me alone_ from pouring out of his mouth, he knew he had to. He had to let Danny have another moment of borrowed time with Grace even if it almost killed him to watch him walk away without so much as a backwards glance.

He couldn't remember going home. And he wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting on his couch staring at the floor thinking of all the ways this day could have gone so terribly terribly wrong when he heard the Camaro pull into the driveway.

He barely remembered opening the door just as Danny was knocking. And then it was all Danny.

Danny.

_Danny_.

The feel of him slotting so perfectly in his arms. His smell. His taste. The softness of his lips. The thick weight of his cock on Steve's tongue. The oh so fucking blue of Danny's eyes as he watched Steve come. The sound of his laughter as he tried to make his way upstairs with his pants still around his ankles and his hands tangled in Steve's shirt.

It was too much. It was sensory overload.

It was perfect.

And now, hours later, Steve was still awake. He was curled on his side watching Danny's back rise and fall, listening to the sound of his hushed breaths over the heartbeat of the waves outside.

He was exhausted. The day had been draining, both physically and emotionally, but he didn't want to sleep. No, he was scared to. Lieutenant Commander Steven J. McGarrett was scared to close his eyes and fall asleep because he was afraid that he would wake up to discover that this had all been a dream. That he didn't finally know what Danny tasted like, what it felt like to have Danny's hand wrapped around his cock. That Danny wasn't lying next to him asleep, wearing nothing but a borrowed pair of his boxers.

Because Steve never gets what he truly wants. That's not how his world works.

There's the soft rustle of the bedsheets as Danny shifts, moving from his stomach to his side and Steve can't help but reach out to trace his hand along the curve of Danny's jaw, the stubble tickling the tips his fingers. 

Solid.

Steve curls closer and rests his hand lightly on Danny's waist.

_Real_.

Maybe, just this once, he can allow himself to hope. 

He's asleep between one breath and the next.


End file.
